Friday, October 31, 2008

Choosing Your Love

"The-One-You-Love or The-One-Who-Loves-You?", is a question I used to proudly answer when I was in high school with "The-One-You-Love" for I think it's fun and just exciting to have someone to drool over for and spend the rest of the afternoon thinking of. That single question popped up in our English class. Oh how we miss and love that subject taught by Ma'am Lilibeth Bustamante( I have to put her name because there are two Bustamante's in my alma mater and they taught exactly opposite subjects and just opposite ways). Of all the more than 8 subjects, only English is the subject we all look forward for. Not for the reason that we could perfect our tenses or grammar patterns but because that's the only subject in high school that we're free to speak out our minds. I would always laugh, even on the moments that I'm alone( and just think of how others would react then they'd see me do so) when I remember that because we were too free to say whatever we want, a couple of our guy classmates even "did" what they want when they got pissed off over not winning their own arguments. We were only asked which is better: School or Common Sense. Both were unwilling to give up their stands so they ended up punching each others faces. Such an incident didn't stop us from popping up more logically simple questions but only made complicated by our excited voices and schizophrenia. Now as I look back and re-assess myself if I still have the same proud answer, I catch myself not knowing what or how to answer that same question. The question hasn't changed: The-One-You-Love or The-One-Who-Loves-You.

I am nineteen years of age now, graduated a couple of years programming course from a computer school in my hometown and currently working in a graveyard shift in the neighboring city. There had been many changes since I graduated from high school but the same question never fails to haunt me. The-One-You-Love or The-One-Who-Loves-You. Now I could not give an automatic proud response. Perhaps because at the age of nineteen I still haven't found someone I love who also loves me back. It's not that I'm too picky nor am I afraid of commitment. Perhaps I'm just too careful not to risk, or that i don't want to be hurt. But with my present status, I guess I have all the right to feel hurt. I still haven't found someone I love who would love me back--exactly the way I care and fancy for that person. I contented myself with idolizing that famous boy with the lightning scar, The Boy Who Lived, or in real life Daniel Radcliffe. I thought I sort of ridiculed but made myself at little at peace(at least for the time being) by posting his picture my friend gave me and stickers of him all over my room. Then came the craze for anime and a character named, Akira Sendo happened to be so cute and I was sort of "fall" for him. Ah, high school days. Nothing has changed when I was in college. My classmates, especially the guys of our batch seem to be so immature for me. So that phase of my life just passed without even giving me the satisfaction of getting a mutually felt love affair.

So I embarked into so called big turn into my life, or some would call it turning point. As of the moment I still couldn't fully appreciate the turning point though it has gradually changed several aspects of my life. Yet still there's a void in me that no one knows when would it ever be filled. There are lots of good looking guys at work that one could easily fall for. Just name your style and likes and you'll have choices for each category. I would be highly hypocrite if I'd say I've never fancy one or two for some time. But then with my religious standards, I know better than keeping such a feeling. Ah, I've been sounding like I had so much choices, huh? The truth is, the problem rooted from such an assured feeling of mine. Assurance that is nowhere to grasp. I always in the cliche that true love will come at the right time, right place and the right person. So why worry? Yeah, why worry.

The question hasn't left me, as if I'm being given two hard options when the truth is: I'm so sick of loving the person who cannot love me back or reciprocate the tender feelings I have for him inside. There had been unfortunate guys who tried to show their affections for me, but every time they try to take a step closer, I would brush them off just as automatically. With that, I am grateful to have immediately known that those feelings weren't meant to be, weren't genuine.

Now I remembered one teacher in high school, when asked with the same question, didn't even batt an eyelash and said, "The-One-You-Love must be The-One-Who-Loves-You". For all of us present during that class,that seemed to be the most logical answer that for a moment settled our skeptic minds. The answer seemed to have bridged the gap between the two options like hitting two bird with just one stone. You just gotta love the one who loves you. Then as I come to reflect upon the answer, another baffling thought came. What about, "The-One-Who-Loves-You is The-One-You-Love". You should love the one who loves you. Now there' are two versions and they just even made things complicated.

So I think I must to give myself a break in loving too much and give some time into considering the one who loves me, or as my teacher put it: "The-One-You-Love must be The-One-Who-Loves-You".



Drama Queen said...

hey jon...found it! finally! nice page...:) I used to ask that question myself...but i'm still confused unil ironic! neway, keep posting! I'm sure you'll get addicted to this (blogging)....on

Jonha D. Revesencio said...

now the one you love, or the one who loves you jan?hehe...I guess I'd stick to the latter...

Anonymous said...

the one who loves me..

love sucks said...

whooa this is boggling! well the one who loves me sure deserves my love..but i also want to be truly happy with the person i really love. hmmm..can't i just have the best of both?

Jonha Ducayag Revesencio said...

@ love sucks: like the best of both worlds, er--guys? haha. nah, someone must be over the other. haha.

we can't serve two masters so you gotta choose really..